"The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I think was either cucumber or watercress. I scraped it off on the curbing, left it there for germs. I'll tell you this, though: No germ is going to leave the Solar System eating sissy stuff like that.Plutonium! Now there's the stuff to put hair on a microbe's chest."

Satire, Food, Humor, Future, Science

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"The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I think was either cucumber or watercress. I scraped it off on the curbing, left it there for germs. I'll tell you this, though: No germ is going to leave the Solar System eating sissy stuff like that.Plutonium! Now there's the stuff to put hair on a microbe's chest."

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"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Irony, Belief, Manipulation

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

Mark Twain, American Author

Satire, God, War, Americans, Geography

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

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"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

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"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

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"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

Ayn Rand, Russian Writer

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Explore more quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

"After the thing went off, after it was a sure thing that America could wipe out a city with just one bomb, a scientist turned to Father and said, 'Science has now known sin.' And do you know what Father said? He said, 'What is sin?"

Philosophy

"Moderate giftedness has been made worthless by the printing press and radio and television and satellites and all that. A moderately gifted person who would have been a community treasure a thousand years ago has to give up, has to go into some other line of work, since modern communications put him or her into daily competition with nothing but the world's champions."

Talent

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."

Earth

"Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."

Creativity

"When a man becomes a writer, I think he takes on a sacred obligation to produce beauty and enlighenment and comfort at top speed."

Creativity

"I thought the worst of everyone."

Behavior

"That's the attractive thing about war, said Rosewater. "Absolutely everybody gets a little something."

War

"The lieutenant-colonel realized for the first time what most people never realize about themselves--that he was not only a victim of outrageous fortune, but one of outrageous fortune's cruelest agents as well."

Fate

"I have no doubt that they'll tell you a lot of kind things about me when my back is turned. They may not have been behind the door when God passed out the pretty faces, but Heaven only knows where they were when He divided up the gratitude."

Behavior

"To an unmoored, middle-aged man like myself, it was heart-breaking. That's all right. I like to have my heart broken."

Emotion