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"The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely."
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"That's a funny thing: you think, when awful things happen, everything else just stops, like you would forget to pee and eat and get thirsty, but it's not really true. It's like you and your body are two separate things, like your body is betraying you, chugging on, idiotic and animal, craving water and sandwiches and bathroom breaks while your world falls apart."
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Personal Development
"A true survivor is someone who, after 12+ years of being schooled, remains independent in their thinking."
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Personal Development
"He who knows to be afraid has a higher chance of living!"
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Personal Development
"Death is easy, you just take the gun or the knife and you just start to suicede by your own or you tell to somebody who is relative to you or somebody who is a friend it doesn't matter and you give him the gun or you say to him what to do and he kills you. This is easy, we aren't born to give up, we aren't born to die let's make ways, let's make our choices, even if you are down in the misearble place and you have lost hope and everything. You mustn't give up continue, stand up say that you won't give up, make few breaths and exhalations, then go to this road and continue. That's your mission!"
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Personal Development
"Don't look back!" "Why not?" "Because I just did! Run faster!"
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Personal Development
"You can survive and strive in life."
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Personal Development
"When in doubt, choose to live."
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Personal Development
"Survive, survive and survive " these are the quintessential laws of Nature. But survive does not always mean being mean."
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Personal Development
"The safest thing to do when in danger is to be too stupid to know you are in danger."
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Personal Development
"Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death."
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Personal Development
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"Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto."
Morality
"On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned 'Lie down,' 'Shut up,' and 'Who shit on this carpet?' The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. 'Is thems the thoughts of cows?' I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. 'I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em."
Language
"I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed."
Change
"But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure."
Failure
"When asked 'What do we need to learn this for?' any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness."
School
"I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis."
Reflection
"Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan."
Romance
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."
Personal
"Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I'd rather not think about " the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen's teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa's flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa's instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy."
Satire
"On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind."
Humor
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