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Robert Benchley

"The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps."

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"The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps."

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Asa Don Brown

"In order that all men may be taught to speak the truth, it is necessary that all likewise should learn to hear it."

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"A little skill in antiquity inclines a man to Popery."

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"In the course of history, men come to see that iron necessity is neither iron nor necessary."

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"A man in passion rides a horse that runs away with him."

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"The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble."

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"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."

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Asa Don Brown

"The dons of Oxford and Cambridge are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything."

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Asa Don Brown

"Men should not try to overstrain their goodness more than any other faculty, bodily or mental."

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Asa Don Brown

"In the last analysis, even the best man is evil: in the last analysis, even the best woman is bad."

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Asa Don Brown

"A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it."

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Robert Benchley
"I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine."
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Robert Benchley
"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."
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Robert Benchley
"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
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Robert Benchley
"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment."
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Robert Benchley
"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."
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Robert Benchley
"Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of."
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Robert Benchley
"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."
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Robert Benchley
"If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from."
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Robert Benchley
"Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk."
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Robert Benchley
"We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born."
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