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"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
"GreenHollyWood is a bad character, fat, liking jokes, liking jokes about size, about the large, about the how big are you. Likes to laugh when you make a mistake, ... but but he is a teacher?! With a glasses a fat guy!"
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Personal Development
"They lack suggestive power. And when a book lacks suggestive power, however hard it hits the surface of the mind it cannot penetrate within."
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Personal Development
"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"
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Personal Development
"Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine."
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Personal Development
"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
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Personal Development
"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"I laugh for sheer medicinal purposes, because I feel I might die otherwise."
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Personal Development
"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
Humor
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
Car
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
Home
"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings."
Vacation
"I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes."
Society
"Written on her tombstone: 'I told you I was sick."
Humor
"Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy."
Mind
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
Chaos
"I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up."
Computer
"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
Chores
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