"I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are."

Humor, Birthday, Food, Surprise

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"I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are."

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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Beginning, Word

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Humor, Love, Insanity, Marriage

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

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"When you blame others you give up your power to change."

Power, Blame, Change, Responsibility

"English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though."

Humor, English, Language, Understanding

"We were awfully poor. But we had a lot of things that money can't buy . . . like unpaid bills."

Humor, Poverty, Money, Life

"A secretary must think like a man act like a lady look like a girl - and work like a dog."

Humor, Thinking, Act, Work

"It is amazing how the light can make us forget we were ever afraid of the dark."

Inspirational, Light, Darkness, Fear, Forgetfulness

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"When you blame others you give up your power to change."

"English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though."

"We were awfully poor. But we had a lot of things that money can't buy . . . like unpaid bills."

"A secretary must think like a man act like a lady look like a girl - and work like a dog."

"Being of sound mind I spent every cent I ever had."

"When you get to the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on."

"He has a head that is for rent unfurnished."

"Whenever a soul leaves the body a void is felt across the world.."

"If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?"

"It is amazing how the light can make us forget we were ever afraid of the dark."