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"You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people."
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"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."
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Personal Development
"Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Also, in a funny way, if you have been happily married there are no unresolved areas, nothing to prove to yourself after the other dies."
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Personal Development
"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."
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Personal Development
"There's a difference between playing and playing games. The former is an act of joy, the latter - an act."
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Personal Development
"Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it."
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Personal Development
"Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion."
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Personal Development
"Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed."
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Personal Development
"It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget."
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Personal Development
"It's fun, but the fun is where it always was. I mean, it's still fun to strap on my Les Paul in the basement and turn up the Marshall amp. I'm still 15. I still enjoy that as much as I ever did."
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Personal Development
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"Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don't make."
Experience
"Today, and I'm very strongly against tax increases."
Tax
"When somebody challenges you, fight back. Be brutal, be tough."
Fight
"I could never have imagined that firing 67 people on national television would actually make me more popular, especially with the younger generation."
People
"If you're interested in 'balancing' work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable."
Work
"I'm a bit of a P. T. Barnum. I make stars out of everyone."
Stars
"But I believe in fair trade, and I will tell you, I have many, many friends heading up corporations, and people that do just business in China, they say it's virtually impossible. It's very, very hard to come into China. And yet, we welcome them with open arms."
Friendship
"China gets their oil from Libya. Why isn't China involved? They're going out spending billions of dollars a day on trying to take over the world economically. And we're spending billions and billions and billions of dollars on policing the world. Why isn't China involved with Libya? That - we don't get oil from Libya, China does."
Politics
"I think Les Moonves is the most highly overrated person in television."
Television
"I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big."
Thinking
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