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"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."
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"The job description, like most, used complicated words that made job-hopefuls hesitant to apply because it may be out of their range of capability."

"We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work."

"And yet, troublingly, there is one difference between 'labour' and other elements [raw materials, machinery] which conventional economics does not have a means to represent, or give weight to, but which is nevertheless unavoidably present in the world: the fact that labour feels pain."

"A salary is a tax employers pay, every four weeks, for putting an employee's dream on hold."

"Read the Bible. Work hard and honestly. And don't complain."

"Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy."

"To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job."

"A specialist's mind is a slave to his specialization."

"When I worked at the W. M. Keck Observatory on the 13,796 feet very high altitude summit of Mauna Kea, we would routinely be engulfed in cold clouds of helium and nitrogen gas as we discharged it into the video camera systems daily. The management team never warned us that we were in a hazardous oxygen deprived environment during this activity that was known for its ability to adversely affect physical and mental health, and possibly bring on death by asphyxiation."
Explore more quotes by Robert Benchley


"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."


"A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death."


"Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk."


"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."


"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."


"There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that."
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