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"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
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Exlpore more Night quotes
"There's always some promoter having an '80s night, saying, We'll supply the band. All you can drink."
"Clinton used to like to get out of the White House a lot. He would take night trips to McDonald's, and stuff like that. I think he wanted to get out of the house."
"It was in the Seventies but I still recall what was a good night for my club. Of course, the stadium has changed now but I have heard that the atmosphere is still the same."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"We had a big party that night and everybody went around gathering results from various precincts and each person would get four or five precincts and then come to the house. There were no cell phones or anything to get results phoned in early."
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
"Yeah, I was a local hero. It was great for me, 'cos I had a full house every night all night seven nights a week for five years that I played. The next five years I just played five days a week, but I still had a full house every night."
"If you feel like you're getting into a rut with a song, a night off usually fixes it."
"I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently, because Lyndon Johnson is my president."
Explore more quotes by Tommy Cooper
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
"A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'"
"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
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