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"And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie."
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"What then in the last resort are the truths of mankind? They are the irrefutable errors of mankind."
"Integrity means that we are trustworthy and dependable, and our character is above reproach."
"Telling lies is a really terrible thing. These days, lies and silence are the two greatest sins in human society you might say. In reality, we tell lots of lies, and we often break into silence. However, if we were constant;y talking year-round, and telling only the truth truth would probably lose some of its value."
"Both my parents had a great influence on me. I never heard my father use a profane or even a slang word. I always respected him because of his complete integrity. In his business dealings his handshake was like a contract. He was as good as his word. Of all the people I have ever known, my mother had the greatest influence on me."
"The truth sticks in our throats with all the sauces it is served with: it will never go down until we take it without any sauce at all."
Explore more quotes by Colin Mochrie
"Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!"
"There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky."
"Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had."
"The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs."
"As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers."
"I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine."
"Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy."
"Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises."
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