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"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
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"The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness."

"You can find women who have never had an affair, but it is hard to find a woman who has had just one."

"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."


"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."


"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"


"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years.""


"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."


"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."
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