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Mitch Hedberg

"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."

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"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."

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Akshay Vasu

"It's very homely, this castle. It doesn't have huge ballrooms. I didn't want a cold, cavernous place."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"What you want, when you want it. As opposed to everything you could ever want, even when you don't."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"You want the audience to be uncomfortable."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"It's hard to say what I want my legacy to be when I'm long gone."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"One-half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I feel that if I said anything about John, I would have to sit here for five days and say it all. Or I don't want to say anything."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"With yourself, I think you have to decide the kind of person that you really want to be, and for me, it's just a sweet girl."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I want to do for rebounds what Michael Jordan did for dunks."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it."

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Mitch Hedberg
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Gambling

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Mitch Hedberg
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Sister

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Mitch Hedberg
"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

Dogs

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Mitch Hedberg
"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

Saying

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Mitch Hedberg
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

Soccer

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Mitch Hedberg
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

Children

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Mitch Hedberg
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

Water

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Mitch Hedberg
"Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes."

People

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Mitch Hedberg
"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."

Work

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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."

People

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