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"There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there."
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"It is astounding what power being kind, mannered, polite and considerate has in transforming your life."
"The laziness of adolescence is a rehearsal for the incapacity of old age."
"A person's true character lies somewhere until after you might have pressed the wrong button without knowing, then you'll realize that there are dogs in human form."
"The violence of a lower-class man may indeed express rage, but it is aimed not at society but at the asshole who scraped his car and dissed him in front of a crowd."
"Being petty allows you to make mountains out of molehills."
"For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes."
"People didn't change. they liked what they liked even if they didn't understand why."
"If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentleman he may pronounce as he pleases."
Explore more quotes by Lemony Snicket
"There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork."
"I like a story that could never happen to me. If I want real life I'll read a newspaper."
"A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out."
"It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier."
"A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them."
"Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?"
"How did you do that? Mr. Poe asked. "Nice girls shouldn't know how to do such things."My sister is a nice girl, Klaus said, "and she knows how to do all sorts of things."
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