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Brian Celio

"I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?"

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"I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?"

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Amber Hurdle

"To tell you the truth, I never listen to opera at home."

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Amber Hurdle

"If someone knew equally as much about the ins and outs of your home, it would not be your home."

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Amber Hurdle

"Don't leave home without your sword - your intellect."

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Amber Hurdle

"To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is."

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Amber Hurdle

"The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."

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Amber Hurdle

"I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. If not, when I come home, I can't find anything. Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out."

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Amber Hurdle

"My tent doesn't look like much but, as an estate agent might say, "It is air-conditioned and has exceptional location."

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Amber Hurdle

"I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom."

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Amber Hurdle

"Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go."

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Brian Celio
"I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous."
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Brian Celio
"Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both."
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Brian Celio
"Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own."
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Brian Celio
"Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live."
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Brian Celio
"Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris."
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Brian Celio
"True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't."
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Brian Celio
"Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary."
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Brian Celio
"What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found?"
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Brian Celio
"Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure."
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Brian Celio
"A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both."
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