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David Sedaris

"All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments."

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"All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments."

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Asa Don Brown

"My heart broke and my mind opened, tragedy works in a funny way like that ~ what once tore me apart was actually what was setting my truth free."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"We are who we are because of what we learn and what we remember."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Negative thoughts about ourselves steals our energy."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Nostalgia is your brain's way of photoshopping the blemishes of your past."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"A poor but confident man is as hard to find as a rich but shy man."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Most people are far too much occupied with themselves to be malicious."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"I have found that as your wisdom and maturity develop, the number of other people you blame for your own circumstances shrinks."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"A person with a victim complex is unable to set goals and achieve them independently."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"It is not until you find yourself lost in the silence that you will learn to let go because everyone has let go of you."

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Personal Development

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Asa Don Brown

"Often people that tell others they are "extremely polite" when the situation calls for tact and bluntness are not actually polite people. Instead, they hide behind the word "polite" because they have low self esteem or hidden agendas. Sadly, they impolitely confuse the hell out of everyone, send mixed signals, which then makes people question their sanity and motives."

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Personal Development

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David Sedaris
"Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto."

Morality

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David Sedaris
"On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned 'Lie down,' 'Shut up,' and 'Who shit on this carpet?' The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. 'Is thems the thoughts of cows?' I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. 'I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em."

Language

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David Sedaris
"I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed."

Change

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David Sedaris
"But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure."

Failure

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David Sedaris
"When asked 'What do we need to learn this for?' any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness."

School

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David Sedaris
"I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis."

Reflection

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David Sedaris
"Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan."

Romance

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David Sedaris
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."

Personal

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David Sedaris
"Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I'd rather not think about " the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen's teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa's flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa's instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy."

Satire

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David Sedaris
"On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind."

Humor

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