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"Always drink upstream from the herd."
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"When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Naturally, since I myself am a writer, I do not wish the ordinary reader to read no modern books. But if he must read only the new or only the old, I would advise him to read the old."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never give anyone the advice to buy or sell shares, because the most benevolent price of advice can turn out badly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The advice that is wanted is commonly not welcome and that which is not wanted, evidently an effrontery."
Author Name
Personal Development
"O that men's ears should be To counsel deaf but not to flattery!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The fiend gives the more friendly counsel."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never let your education interfere with your learning."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Meg, what I'm about to do - never, ever try this on your own." I felt a bit silly giving this advice to a girl who regulartly fought monsters with golden swords, but I had promised Bill Nye the Science Guy I would always promote safe laboratory practices."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The first rule about the low hanging fruit principle is to always watch out for low hanging branches, they're the ones to take it away from you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One of my father's RULES FOR LIFE was to marry a woman who was smarter than you. "I did this," he would say to me, "and you should do it, too. I say, why do all the thinking?"
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Personal Development
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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