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Robert Benchley

"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."

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"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."

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"The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men."

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"The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps."
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"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous."
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Robert Benchley
"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."
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"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off."
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Robert Benchley
"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."
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"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."
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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
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"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it."
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Robert Benchley
"If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from."
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Robert Benchley
"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
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