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"We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on."
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"Woman is a vulgar animal from whom man has created an excessively beautiful ideal."

"If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?"
Explore more quotes by Robert Benchley


"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands."


"For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting."


"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it."


"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony."


"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."


"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."


"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."
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