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"When the 30-year-old lawyer died he said to St. Peter "How can you do this to me? - a heart attack at my age? I'm only 30." Replied St. Peter: "When we looked at your total hours billed we figured you were 95.""
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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"Good People bring out the good in other people."
Positivity
"Proverbs 28:26Those who trust in their own reasoning are fools, but those who walk in Wisdom will be kept safe."
Wisdom
"Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day like those of a baseball player."
Humor
"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep."
Spiritual
"Don't let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you."
Morality
"Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands."
Peace
"Love is like a rose. So beautiful to look at, yet so painful to touch."
Love
"A Writer Drenched in Words is Never Caught in a Dry Spell."
Creativity
"Old men and far travellers may lie with authority."
Truth
"For peace of mind resign as general manager of the universe."
Peace
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