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"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."
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"I don't think I will ever do any tours again in the United States. I rather think that that's over with."
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Personal Development
"I won all the blue ribbons for canning at the state fair."
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Personal Development
"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?"
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Personal Development
"I have this cozy house here and I get three pensions from the States. I've done nicely."
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Personal Development
"Yesterday the flame of the Olympic torch was carried through our great state on its way to Salt Lake City."
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Personal Development
"Even if you go to Australia today, it's very much like visiting a state you haven't been to."
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Personal Development
"Currently, most States do not recognize within their borders concealed carry permits issued in other States."
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Personal Development
"Any confrontation, such as a verbal one with the United States, would be harmful for everybody."
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Personal Development
"When the students were killed at Kent State, the cast voted to do a demonstration from the stage, and I abstained."
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Personal Development
"Every chemical reaction has a transition state."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by Robert Orben
"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral."
Country
"In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh."
Humor
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
Day
"With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!"
Luck
"If you can laugh together, you can work together."
Work
"More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments."
American
"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."
Day
"Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down."
Politicians
"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."
Graduation
"Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success."
Success
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