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"David Cameron is a C-3P0 made of ham."
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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
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Personal Development
"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."
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Personal Development
"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."
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Personal Development
"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"
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Personal Development
"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"
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Personal Development
"New York is a sucked orange."
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Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
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Personal Development
"Time is a waste of money."
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Personal Development
"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."
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Personal Development
"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."
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"The word 'spinster' tells you everything you need to know about our attitude of women who choose not to marry."
Bias
"Keith Richards is a man without regret. When I ask him if-given the chance to do it all over again-he'd start taking heroin, he doesn't pause. "Oh yes. Yes. There was a lot of experience in there-you meet a lot of weird people, different takes on life that you're not going to find if you don't go there. I loved a good high. And if you stay up, you get the songs that everyone else misses, because they're asleep. There's songs zooming around everywhere. There's songs zooming through here right now, in the air."
Regret
"One of the great things about being a writer/journalist is that my boss loves me to go out and do features on being someone else. I did a feature on Kate Middleton, where I went to an incredible fancy state home in the countryside, put on a wedding dress and posed for engagement pictures with a fake Prince William."
Creativity
"Because this injunction for all women to have children isn't in any way logical. If you take a moment to consider the state of the world, the thing you notice is that there are plenty of babies being born; the planet really doesn't need all of us to produce more babies."
Choice
"The actual handbag is neither here nor there-- it's what you keep in it that's the most important thing."
Values
"But I am, personally, not a gambler. I wouldn't spend £1 on the lottery, let alone take a punt on a pregnancy. The stakes are far, far too high. I can't agree with a society that would force me to bet on how much I could love under duress."
Autonomy
"When a woman walks into a room, her outfit is the first thing she says, before she even opens her mouth. Women are judged on what they wear in a way men would find incomprehensible."
Judgment
"In the 21st century, it can't be about who we might make, and what they might do, anymore. It has to be about who we are and what we're going to do."
Responsibility
"A library is such a potent symbol of a town's values: each one closed down might as well be six thousand stickers plastered over every available surface, reading "WE CHOSE TO BECOME MORE STUPID AND DULL."
Knowledge
"It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly."
Equality
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