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"The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing."
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"We got dragged through a system and got burned by crooked lawyers, and the list goes on and on."
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Personal Development
"Vicars, MPS and lawyers were amont those who considered me to be the best hostess in London."
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Personal Development
"As a rule lawyers tend to want to do whatever they can to win."
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Personal Development
"Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge."
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Personal Development
"The question arises whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage."
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Personal Development
"Why in the world would you have it interpreted by nine lawyers?"
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Personal Development
"The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing."
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Personal Development
"Of course I've got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up."
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Personal Development
"The only real lawyers are trial lawyers, and trial lawyers try cases to juries."
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Personal Development
"That's the thing about us lawyers - if at all possible, we will consume each other."
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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