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Woody Allen

"I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear."

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"I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear."

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Donna Grant

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

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Woody Allen
"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

Now

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Woody Allen
"Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Relationship

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Woody Allen
"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?"

Dream

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Woody Allen
"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

Life

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Woody Allen
"I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes."

Spiritual

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Woody Allen
"Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea."

Money

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Woody Allen
"I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics."

Relationship

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Woody Allen
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

Laughter

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Woody Allen
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."

Existence

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Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

Night

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