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"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother."
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"The best way to easily identify a counterfeit currency is to have a full exposure to the original currency. If you don't know your true vision, any satanic vision can cross your way and you might not know it."
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Personal Development
"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."
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Personal Development
"All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."
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Personal Development
"Carelessness does more harm than a want of knowledge."
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Personal Development
"Knowledge is the key to the development of civilization."
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Personal Development
"Two things influence one's wisdom: remarkable experience and " evenmuch more " accumulated knowledge."
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Personal Development
"Yet Byron never made tea as you do, who fill the pot so that when you put the lid on the tea spills over. There is a brown pool on the table-it is running among your books and papers. Now you mop it up, clumsily, with your pocket-hankerchief. You then stuff your hankerchief back into your pocket-that is not Byron; that is so essentially you that if I think of you in twenty years' time, when we are both famous, gouty and intolerable, it will be by that scene: and if you are dead, I shall weep."
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Personal Development
"No doubt we should be, on the whole, much worse off than we are without our astonishing gift for illusion."
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Personal Development
"Humans are the villains, they are the killers. That's the truth.... for god sake!"
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Personal Development
"You are always a bishop with a ambition and second as a fisher."
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Personal Development
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"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
Humor
"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
Humor
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
Car
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
Family
"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
Woman
"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
Woman
"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
Family
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
Family
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
Emotional
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
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