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"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
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"The best thing I have is the knife from Fatal Attraction. I hung it in my kitchen. It's my way of saying, Don't mess with me."

"I'm good in the kitchen. I can cook seafood, collard greens, black-eyed peas."

"The kitchen may not get cleaned, and I have to accept that. I do the important things."

"My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter."

"The house is in turmoil with records on every space. In the kitchen and in the dining room is covered with records. I don't have a big enough house to accommodate everything."

"I've never cooked. I can't do much more in the kitchen than make a cup of tea and some toast."

"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."

"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?"

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
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