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"There is a cliche that men want their women to be ladies in public and hookers behind closed doors. I want my woman to be the sharper image robot so that she can be turned off."
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"In the course of history, men come to see that iron necessity is neither iron nor necessary."
"A man in passion rides a horse that runs away with him."
"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in."
"The dons of Oxford and Cambridge are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything."
"In the last analysis, even the best man is evil: in the last analysis, even the best woman is bad."
"A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it."
Explore more quotes by Al Goldstein
"Even though marriage is doomed, if you turned it into a job you like and really work at it - it can be salvaged."
"I'm a crusader. I really believe in the First Amendment, and I use it fully, and I pay a price for that."
"A self made man is a rarity and hated by the parasites that floated to fame thought their parents, relatives and contacts."
"If you cannot work on the marriage or the women is a moron, staying married and cheating makes the most sense because divorce is disruptive to the family life and your bank account."
"Our photographs are filthier and our stories are more disgusting. We make no effort to be artistic."
"Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic."
"I keep attacking the villains, the know-nothings, the people who want to take our freedoms away."
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