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"If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong."
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"It's astonishing the amount of time that certain straight people devote to gay sex - trying to determine what goes where and how often. They can't imagine any system outside their own, and seem obsessed with the idea of roles, both in bed and out of it. Who calls whom a bitch? Who cries harder when the cat dies? Which one spends the most time in the bathroom? I guess they think that it's that cut-and-dried, though of course it's not. Hugh might do the cooking, and actually wear an apron while he's at it, but he also chops the firewood, repairs the hot-water heater, and could tear off my arm with no more effort than it takes to uproot a dandelion."
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Personal Development

"There is no such thing as "vaginal orgasm vs. "clitoral orgasm. The entire ring of tissues that surrounds the vaginal opening is connected to the clitoris by nerves and blood vessels. Ultimately all these tissues together are responsible for the female orgasm. This entire erogenous zone is often referred to as the "ring of fire."
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Personal Development

"Heterosexuality is the traditional way of expressing love and romance; the act of enjoyment between opposite sexes. It is not only for the purpose of enjoyment and pleasure, but also the human general survival. Whilst homosexuality is the freedom of enjoyment and pleasure from any means and ends."
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Personal Development

"Heterosexuality is the enjoyment with fear, the pleasure with responsibility and the lust with concerns."
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Personal Development

"Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing."
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Personal Development

"A woman isn't a whore for wanting pleasure. If it were unnatural, we would not be born with such drives."
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Personal Development

"I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don't know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don't have anyone to ask. For example, I know that you give someone a blowjob by putting your penis in their mouth."
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Personal Development

"Philanderers and swingers can see nothing beyond the needs of their genitals. Sexual craving is a part of our biology, but it is not who we are."
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Personal Development

"In a world where you can get a spare kidney, a black-market Picasso or a ticket to ride into space, why can't I see some actual sex? Some actual fucking from people who want to fuck each other? Some chick in an outfit I halfway respect, having the time of her life? I have MONEY. I'm willing to PAY for this. I AM NOW A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN, AND I JUST WANT A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR INTERNATIONAL PORN INDUSTRY WHERE I CAN SEE A WOMAN COME. I just want to see a good time."
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Personal Development

"I stay neutral with homosexuality, I neither support nor condemn it. But if people are happy with it we must not interfere."
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"A wedding is no way to begin a marriage."
Time

"Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt."
Intelligence

"Love is like skydiving without a parachute."
Love

"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
Aging

"In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice."
Marriage

"He's just a flash in the pants."
Masculinity

"Expect stupid. It's everywhere."
Cynicism

"Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end."
Marriage

"If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it."
Family

"Sometimes stupid is crime enough."
Judgment
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