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"Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels."
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"May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine."
May

"When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out."
Service

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
People

"You treat a lady like a dame, and a dame like a lady."
Lady

"I'm supposed to have a Ph.D. on the subject of women. But the truth is I've flunked more often than not. I'm very fond of women; I admire them. But, like all men, I don't understand them."
Men

"People often remark that I'm pretty lucky. Luck is only important in so far as getting the chance to sell yourself at the right moment. After that, you've got to have talent and know how to use it."
Talent

"I'm for whatever gets you through the night."
Night

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
Love

"The martial music of every sideburned delinquent on the face of the earth."
Music

"I am a thing of beauty."
Beauty
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"The night creeps in by subtle degrees while a show of fierce colors attracts and distracts me. I look up, suddenly aware of remote lights scattered overhead. I gasp as the last streak of fire dies on the horizon, and I comprehend it all too late. That crafty, dark night has swallowed my world whole."
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Personal Development

"I can find in my undergraduate classes, bright students who do not know that the stars rise and set at night, or even that the Sun is a star."
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Personal Development

"The night I announced I was getting married, Daddy paced for hours on the porch."
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Personal Development

"I wasn't really qualified to be on Saturday Night Live - I'm not like an impressionist or anything."
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Personal Development

"Making sleep happen is a must - anytime, anywhere, from a plane to a train to an automobile. Ideally, I like to get eight to ten hours a night, though I'll take it broken up in two segments if I have to."
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Personal Development

"The one thing I could do was voices and impersonations and weird characters, and there was really no call for that, except on Saturday Night Live."
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Personal Development

"I was working at this club in downtown L.A. from four to eight at night, just Eddie Rubin, the drummer, and I."
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Personal Development

"Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low."
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Personal Development

"Yes, beef is what was for dinner last night. Tonight it will be my dinner, and it will continue to be."
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Personal Development

"Most of those mocking us and our works night after night have not reached the point of suggesting we are going to use those weapons. They are pretty useless right now."
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Personal Development
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