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"Never miss a good chance to shut up."
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"When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there."
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Personal Development
"Go the extra mile to do the undone, but work within your limits, and in doing so also, don't be a coward to question things within your limit that are not all that right, and don't be too arrogant or proud or be filled with excessive knowledge to do things which might though be within your limit, yet out of limit, for you must live and leave nothing, but distinctive and lasting footprints!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Naturally, since I myself am a writer, I do not wish the ordinary reader to read no modern books. But if he must read only the new or only the old, I would advise him to read the old."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never give anyone the advice to buy or sell shares, because the most benevolent price of advice can turn out badly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The first rule when you are in a hole is to ask for a hand out!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The advice that is wanted is commonly not welcome and that which is not wanted, evidently an effrontery."
Author Name
Personal Development
"O that men's ears should be To counsel deaf but not to flattery!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The fiend gives the more friendly counsel."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never let your education interfere with your learning."
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Personal Development
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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