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"This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
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"Every time a man puts a new idea across he finds ten men who thought of it before he did - but they only thought of it."
Creativity
"And when the Lamb opened the seventh seal, silence coverd the sky."
Spiritual
"Work! Thank God for the swing of it for the clamoring hammering ring of it."
Inspirational
"When you go to your knees God will help you stand up to anything."
Spiritual
"A person of little knowledge Grows old as a plough-ox grows old.His fleshes increases, His wisdom does not increase."
Wisdom
"That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life."
Spiritual
"Much learning doth make thee mad."
Truth
"God bless me and my son John Me and my wife him and his wife Us four and no more."
Family
"It was only a sunny smile But it scattered the night And little it cost in the giving Like morning light And made the day worth living."
Emotional
"When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my logic."
Humor
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