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"Nothing in fine print is ever good news."
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"There's an awful lot of terrible television which I could do, but I mostly stick to Have I Got News for You."
"The Fox News cable channel is doing very well because there is a market for what Fox News has to offer."
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"They are words you don't easily forget: I don't have good news."
"I get most of my news from the Jon Stewart Daily Show. It's the most level commentary you can find. You have to laugh, because it's all so true. It's the closest thing to a counterculture."
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"When I worked in Los Angeles covering hard news, very often when something important would happen I'd be off in the woods covering something unimportant, which was more interesting to me."
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Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney
"The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough."
"I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points."
"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
"Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives."
"The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread."
"I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you."
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