"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

Purpose, Defeat, Self

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"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

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Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

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"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

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"Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple."

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"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

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"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."

Humor

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

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"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

Expression

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

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"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."

Reality

"Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be."

Perspective