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"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I just found out about 10 days ago that I must live 300 or 400 yards from Britney Spears... so now I have to move."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's a heavy weight, the camera. Now we have modern and lightweight, small plastic cameras, but in the '70s they were heavy metal."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now, we used to say we put on our tights to put on the world. So I don't think it tarnishes the image at all."
Author Name
Personal Development
"So, like I said, I will visit Jeffersonville more often because I now have a little getaway house up there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now I get to pick and choose exactly what I want to do."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now the identification of individual sounds by phonetic observation is an artificial way of proceeding."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm now convinced that I'm a doctor. I mean, if someone says they have a pain, I'm like, 'Well, that's your spleen.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The rich pay more in total taxes now than ever before - ever. It's true. Just like it's true that when the rich are convinced they're going to be taxed more, they spend less. And when the top few percenters don't spend, there goes all your spending, because they account for half of all retail spending."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator."
Buying
"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."
Science
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
Gender
"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
Warning
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Time
"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."
Comedy
"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."
Science
"I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add."
Now
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
Comedy
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
Time
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