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Rita Rudner

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

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"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

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Amber Hurdle

"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

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Amber Hurdle

"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

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Amber Hurdle

"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."

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Amber Hurdle

"I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it."

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Amber Hurdle

"I'm not sure whay I've been drawn to this subject, except that murder is a subject that has always drawn people for as long as people have been telling stories."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you ask a hundred people, they all give you different answers."

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Amber Hurdle

"You can be around 100 people and be completely alone. People don't realize what it's really like."

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Amber Hurdle

"In our leisure we reveal what kind of people we are."

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Amber Hurdle

"With most people disbelief in a thing is founded on a blind belief in some other thing."

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Amber Hurdle

"One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide."

Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
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Rita Rudner
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
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Rita Rudner
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
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Rita Rudner
"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
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Rita Rudner
"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""
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Rita Rudner
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."
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