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"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
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"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Of course, the wind sort of swept up and the music was flying around in mid air and they were trying to play off it. You had to be there. It was quite funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
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Personal Development
"It's so funny whenever things come full circle."
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Personal Development
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"I prefer a loose woman to a selfish one and a wanton to a fool."
Values
"The most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency."
Expediency
"Simplicity and naturalness are the truest marks of distinction."
Simplicity
"At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely."
Party
"It is salutary to train oneself to be no more affected by censure than by praise."
Censure
"Any nation that thinks more of its ease and comfort than its freedom will soon lose its freedom; and the ironical thing about it is that it will lose its ease and comfort too."
Comfort
"There are three secrets to writing a novel. Unfortunately nobody knows what they are."
Process
"Mrs. MacAndrew shared the common opinion of her sex that a man is always a brute to leave a woman who is attached to him, but that a woman is much to blame if he does."
Gender
"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."
Rules
"To write simply is as difficult as to be good."
Simplicity
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