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"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."
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"We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started."
"I believe that in every country the people themselves are more peaceably and liberally inclined than their governments."
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue."
"People's personalities, like buildings, have various facades, some pleasant to view, some not."
"How long most people would look at the best book before they would give the price of a large turbot for it?"
Explore more quotes by David Letterman
"We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector."
"Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water."
"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag."
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
"It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?"
"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."
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