"If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life."

Life, Childhood

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"If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life."

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Explore more quotes by Tim Conway

"I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction."

Movies, People, Moments

"People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words."

People, Words

"I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s."

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"My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs."

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"As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists."

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"Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with."

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"At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it."

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