"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father, Girlfriend

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"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Exlpore more Father quotes

"President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all."

Bill Maher, American Comedian

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"I may neither choose who I would, nor refuse who I dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curbed by the will of a dead father."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"To he who avenges a father, nothing is impossible."

Pierre Corneille, French Dramatist

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"I am blessed to have Mom and Dad."

Kevin Eubanks, American Musician

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"I'm from Brooklyn. I grew up very poor- seven people, four rooms. My dad had no education."

Peter Criss, American Musician

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"My dad is a really honest, hardworking, straight guy."

Joe Lando, American Actor

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"Father is Everyone's First Preceptor.Happy Father's Day!"

Mohith Agadi, Indian Poet

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"My sister and I said, Dad, are you doing to do anything about that? And he mentioned treatments other people sent him that he'd been working on. So we thought it would be kind of cool to give these guys a real script."

Rae Dawn Chong, American Actress

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"The Rat Pack was the piece that really kicked me out of that little funk that I was in and then Ted called me up and asked me if I wanted to be the dad in Blow."

Ray Liotta, American Actor

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"But you know, my dad called me the laziest white kid he ever met. When I screamed back at him that he was putting down a race of people to call me lazy, his answer was that's not what he was doing, and that I was also the dumbest white kid he ever met."

Norman Lear, American Producer

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Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."

Love

"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."

School

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

Reason

"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."

Night

"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."

Computer

"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."

Today

"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."

Love

"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."

Evil

"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"

Children

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Life