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"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
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"When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry."
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Personal Development
"My father started me singing in church."
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Personal Development
"Where I come from, you don't really talk about how much you're earning. Those things are private. My dad never told my mum how much he was earning. I'm certainly not going to tell the world. I'm doing well."
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Personal Development
"My dad is a really honest, hardworking, straight guy."
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Personal Development
"My father was a poor man, very poor in a British colonial possession where class and race were very important."
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Personal Development
"My father loved people, children and pets."
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Personal Development
"I'm worried because of my mother, she's going to see my performance and she's quite hard. She's going to see me naked. And my Dad, woah. Yeah, they're going to see me like a woman, you know?"
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Personal Development
"It is a wise father that knows his own child."
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Personal Development
"My brother Jim and I saw our father go into the jails and pray with the inmates Sunday after Sunday. He prayed with both blacks and whites. If we ever repeated any slurs we heard on the playground, he'd tell us very softly, "I don't want to hear those words.""
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Personal Development
"I see by your letter to my father that you are rather afraid the French may invade England."
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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Friendship
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
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