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Steven Wright

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

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"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

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Akshay Vasu

"One day, out of irritation, I said, you know all of those years with the Royal Shakespeare Company, all those years of playing kings and princes and speaking black verse, and bestriding the landscape of England was nothing but a preparation for sitting in the captain's chair of the Enterprise."

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Akshay Vasu

"Better be alone than in bad company."

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Akshay Vasu

"The best rules to form a young man, are, to talk little, to hear much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's own opinions, and value others that deserve it."

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Akshay Vasu

"The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company."

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Akshay Vasu

"Boulez seemed to me to be a guy who wrote laws. Like a company lawyer."

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Akshay Vasu

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

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Akshay Vasu

"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring."

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Akshay Vasu

"A fairly bright boy is far more intelligent and far better company than the average adult."

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Akshay Vasu

"This book was company for me - I wrote these things when I was in hotels, far from where I normally live. I never intended to publish it."

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Akshay Vasu

"We were advised that nobody could stop us from pursuing our craft simply because we had honed, or even developed that craft while working at a company."

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Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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