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"Punctuality is the thief of time."
Author Name
Personal Development
"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be...yours."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Satire is a lesson, parody is a game."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Oh, brothers! I don't care for brothers. My elder brother won't die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I picked up one of the books and flipped through it. Don't get me wrong, I like reading. But some books should come with warning labels: Caution: contains characters and plots guaranteed to induce sleepiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after ingesting more than one chapter. Has been known to cause blindness, seizures and a terminal loathing of literature. Should only be taken under the supervision of a highly trained English teacher. Preferably one who grades on the curve."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I shudder at the thought of men....I'm due to fall in love again."
Love
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
Humor
"The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed'."
Humor
"You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think Your hell is worse than mine."
Emotion
"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
Contentment
"She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age."
Philosophy
"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
Affection
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
Communication
"Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night."
Survival
"It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day."
Poetry
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