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"They disallowed this and disallowed that, and now I can't even get my head above water!"
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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

"Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail our lion now will foreign foes assail."

"The month of January, we were number one. Now, this is something we're proud of, because we recognize we're up against a formidable operation there at CNN."
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"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."

"Damn the sword! When Virginia wanted a sword, I gave her one. Now she sends me a toy! I require bread!"
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"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
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"I would have had my patent long, long ago, and it would have run out long, long ago. I would have made, maybe, $100.000, much less that the patent has brought me now."
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"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."

"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."

"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"

"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."

"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."

"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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