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"They disallowed this and disallowed that, and now I can't even get my head above water!"
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"Four years was enough of Harvard. I still had a lot to learn, but had been given the liberating notion that now I could teach myself."

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."
Explore more quotes by Bud Abbott

"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."

"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"

"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."

"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."

"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."

"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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