"I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation."

Absurdity, Humor, Imagination, Chaos

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"I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

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"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

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"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"

Soren Kierkegaard, Danish Philosopher

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"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

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"Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works."

Sherman Alexie, American Writer

Absurdity, Death, Food, Ritual

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

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"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Authority, Rebellion

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

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"You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Violence, Reaction

"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Hobbies, Nature, Observation, Life

Explore more quotes by Will Advise

"Having no applicable skills, in any possible area whatsoever, effectively makes me the master of redundancy. But that info is obsolete, like my insults dictionary, which I stole."

Humor

"To have the wisdom is rarely achieved by seeking the knowledge."

Wisdom

"Backpackers can pack much more meows than baggers. Beggars never feed stray cats as street cats are self-sustaining."

Nature

"To find doesn't always require to search."

Discovery

"Always carry what is beautiful in your heart."

Positivity

"I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet."

Creativity

"People decided that trees have no feelings."

Environment

"Love is always more than friendship."

Friendship

"With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before " namely melt the ice in a wax figure's beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling."

Motivation

"Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)"

Love