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"I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation."
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Exlpore more Absurdity quotes
"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."
"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."
"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."
"You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It's far more common than you might think. -Angela the Herbalist."
"I turned to my own bunk and examined it with a kind of appalled fascination. If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it. He had evidently included the pillow in his celebrations."
Explore more quotes by Will Advise
"Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don't even ask."
"A book about books is like a poem about poetry:Books are knowledge, paid for, all.Readers - horses in a stall.Stallions should always run.Lest they stale become, in turn.Running waters are most clear.In some books, you disappear "lose yourself, and track of time.How I wish that one was mine...Mine, to have, to write, to read...Mine, just like a flying steed.Mine, forever, - to improve.Would I then, of me, approve?I would not, I can't... myself.I'm but dust, swept off a shelf.Fly, can I, just 'til I'm settled,down, beside my flower, petalled."
"The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that."
"Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can..."
"Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted."
"Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go."
"I sometimes go to a mythical place called 'workplace', where the doable is always unpassable as possible, especially when it pisses you off."
"In days long past, Jarod said he'd write a sentence about my love, translated in Russian, and that sentence, like my love, is clearly not for sale, unlike his virginity, or this book, which I'm both offering at ten times the market value, so hurry up and buy now, before it goes down."
"I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet."
"To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night..."
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