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"I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation."
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"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."
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Personal Development
"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"
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Personal Development
"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."
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Personal Development
"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."
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Personal Development
"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."
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Personal Development
"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."
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Personal Development
"In some warped way, having an embalmed body with us made perfect sense."
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Personal Development
"Sharks to not eat Chinese people because they get hungry thirty minutes later."
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Personal Development
"It's okay to be absurd, ridiculous, and downright irrational at times; silliness is sweet syrup that helps us swallow the bitter pills of life."
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Personal Development
"Only by living absurdly is it possible to break out of this infinite absurdity."
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Personal Development
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"Backpackers can pack much more meows than baggers. Beggars never feed stray cats as street cats are self-sustaining."
Nature
"If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do."
Humor
"I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?"
Irony
"Someone. Everyone. Anyone. No-one. One. One can't be everyone, but there isn't more than one everyone, at the same time. And at the same time no-one can't be someone, but anyone can be one, and also anyone can be a no-one. To sum up - everyone is someone, and any-one becomes a no-one if you divide the one part long enough by every part of every-one, so in conclusion, I have no idea what I'm talking about, basically."
Philosophy
"A book about books is like a poem about poetry:Books are knowledge, paid for, all.Readers - horses in a stall.Stallions should always run.Lest they stale become, in turn.Running waters are most clear.In some books, you disappear "lose yourself, and track of time.How I wish that one was mine...Mine, to have, to write, to read...Mine, just like a flying steed.Mine, forever, - to improve.Would I then, of me, approve?I would not, I can't... myself.I'm but dust, swept off a shelf.Fly, can I, just 'til I'm settled,down, beside my flower, petalled."
Knowledge
"To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night..."
Fantasy
"I'm selling Jarod's life today. I mean virginity. He has no life. Email admin@allthegoodonesarealreadytaken.com for more information and please try to catch our special delivery at double-price deals, which will be posted somewhere on the internet at random, every other Tuesday, for half a night (on the previous day), unless it's a Saturday, in which case you'll have to wait and hope until the destined day comes and takes you away to heaven, which unfortunately, does not exist, except in the imagination of carefully selected individuals."
Satire
"Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted."
Humor
"Love is always more than friendship."
Friendship
"To find true love simply one must just adore."
Love
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