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"Irony differentiates. Cynicism never does."
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"All these handsome guys are the same. When they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you."
"It is through experience that I have lost faith in USA law enforcement."
"The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people."
"Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be."
"I guess the painkillers wipe out your memory along with your ethics."
"Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cynicism is a shell that's protecting this tiny, dear part in them that's still alive."
"You're not exactly up for the Humanitarian of the Year award, so save your altruism for someone who can't see through you like cellophane."
"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."
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