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"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
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"That was his mother. When she wasn't crying over the breakfast cereal, she was laughing about killing herself."

"The third lesson and tip actually comes from two of my favorite political philosophers: Mao Tse-tung and Mother Theresa - not often coupled with each other, but the two people I turn to most to basically deliver a simple point which is 'you're going to make choices; you're going to challenge; you're going to say why not; you're going to figure out how to do things that have never been done before."

"I had to get in touch with the source, I had to go back into my abandonment issues with my mother, I had to go into issues with my father I hadn't even looked at before."
Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
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