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Robert Benchley

"There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that."

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"There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that."

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"We were engaged three-and-a-half weeks after the first date."

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"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

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"It is strange how one feels drawn forward without knowing at first where one is going."

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"The first band I was in, I think was called The Strangers. I got the sack because I was too small!"

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"There is no formula to it. Writing every song is a little journey. The first note has to lift you."

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"If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone."

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"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does."

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"When I first heard that song, it was a ballad but it had a lot more. It felt like a gospel song when I first heard it and it just moved me."

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""Think simple" as my old master used to say - meaning reduce the whole of its parts into the simplest terms, getting back to first principles."

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"First you find a little thread, a little thread leads you to a string, and the string leads you to a rope. And from the rope you hang by the neck."

Explore more quotes by Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
"The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon."
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Robert Benchley
"In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children."
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Robert Benchley
"Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other."
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Robert Benchley
"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."
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Robert Benchley
"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
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Robert Benchley
"Behind every argument is someone's ignorance."
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Robert Benchley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
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Robert Benchley
"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous."
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Robert Benchley
"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it."
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Robert Benchley
"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."
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