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Eoin Colfer

"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."

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"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."

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Amber Hurdle

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

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Amber Hurdle

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

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Amber Hurdle

"New York is a sucked orange."

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Amber Hurdle

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

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Amber Hurdle

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

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Amber Hurdle

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

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Amber Hurdle

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

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Amber Hurdle

"Alas! with all her reasoning, she found, that to retentive feelings eight years may be little more than nothing."

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Amber Hurdle

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

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Amber Hurdle

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."

Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
"Excuse me, Tex,' the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits."
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Eoin Colfer
"Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts."
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Eoin Colfer
"What's this?' he inquired, none too pleasantly. 'A circus?'No, Julius. It's the end of the circus.'I see. And these are the clowns?'Foaly's head poked through the doorway.'Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?"
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Eoin Colfer
"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."
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Eoin Colfer
"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
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Eoin Colfer
"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
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Eoin Colfer
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
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Eoin Colfer
"Me,' Artemis blurted. 'I'm the nut.'Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.'I'm the nut!' Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said."
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Eoin Colfer
"Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss."
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Eoin Colfer
"Good. Illegal is always faster."
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