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"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."
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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."
Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"Excuse me, Tex,' the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits."

"What's this?' he inquired, none too pleasantly. 'A circus?'No, Julius. It's the end of the circus.'I see. And these are the clowns?'Foaly's head poked through the doorway.'Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?"

"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

"Me,' Artemis blurted. 'I'm the nut.'Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.'I'm the nut!' Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said."
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