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"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."
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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."
Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."

"The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end."

"Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana."

"A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon."

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"
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