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"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."
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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The door of Reverend Verringer's impressive manse is opened by an elderly female with a face like a pine plank; the Reverend is unmarried, and has need of an irreproachable housekeeper. Simon is ushered into the library. It is so self-consciously the right sort of library that he has an urge to set fire to it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This book was written using 100% recycled words."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Punctuality is the thief of time."
Author Name
Personal Development
"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
Author Name
Personal Development
"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be...yours."
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Personal Development
"New York: A third-rate Babylon."
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"Some people just needed to be stolen from."
Crime
"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"
Conflict
"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order A la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"
Individuality
"That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart."
Insight
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
Comedy
"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."
Protection
"Excuse me, Tex,' the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits."
Life
"The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present."
History
"Artemis: 'Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.'Myles: 'In Paris.'Artemis: 'Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?'Beckett: 'Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?'Myles: 'I agree with simple-toon.'Artemis: 'No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'Beckett: 'Itchy what?"
Wit
"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?"
Leadership
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