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"Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand."
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"If you win the Oscar, you get to go into just about anybody's office for a month."
"There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration."
"I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot."
"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were."
"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants."
"Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them."
"It must be a terrible pressure to have to go to the office."
"I wanted a theory that would allow one to live outside the office with the same philosophy one uses inside it."
"I'm not prepared for holding office any more than I think Arnold is."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller
"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."
"Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time."
"Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on."
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."
"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy."
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
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