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"Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand."
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"There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration."
"I wake about 1 a.m. I'm in the office by 2 a.m. We're on the air at 5."
"I wanted a theory that would allow one to live outside the office with the same philosophy one uses inside it."
"Look at the number of cop shows and lawyer shows and forensics shows... I think there could be room for two quite different examinations of the same political office."
"I reckon this could mean another 10 million at the box office."
"It did not prepare me for writing or "Power of Attorney." However, what it did is that it forced me out of the DA's office. I stopped getting that county check."
"He who uses the office he owes to the voters wrongfully and against them is a thief."
"I want to do exactly what I want to do. I'd rather gamble on the box office than beg for a grant."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller
"I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy."
"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"
"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."
"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."
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