"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."

Iraq, Name, Republican

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"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."

Exlpore more Iraq quotes

"George W. Bush and Tony Blair had to convince the world that Saddam Hussein represented an imminent threat. Tony Blair lied when he claimed that Iraq could launch a chemical or biological attack within 45 minutes."

Bianca Jagger, Nicaraguan Celebrity

Iraq, World

"Well, I've been to Iraq twice now. I was in Baghdad in June and then north of Baghdad in November."

Gary Sinise, American Actor

Iraq, June, Now

"I think the disarmament of Iraq is inevitable."

Douglas Feith, American Public Servant

Iraq,

"Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'"

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Iraq, Liquor, Now, President

"We are tangled in a very significant Islamic insurgency in Iraq."

Michael Scheuer, American Public Servant

Iraq,

"After all, we paid great prices because of the virtual partitioning of Iraq."

Bulent Ecevit, Turkish Politician

Iraq,

"I said I'm the president of Iraq... I did not say deposed."

Saddam Hussein, Iraqi Criminal

Iraq, President

"We know that there are various activities important to the insurgents in Iraq that are occurring in Syria."

Douglas Feith, American Public Servant

Iraq,

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."

Dennis Miller, American Comedian

Iraq,

"Iraq is not occupied, but there are foreign forces on its soil, which is different."

Jalal Talabani, Iraqi Politician

Iraq,

Explore more quotes by David Letterman

"We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector."

Fun

"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."

Daughter

"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"

God

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."

Change

"There is no off position on the genius switch."

Genius

"I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host."

Dance

"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."

Ladies

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."

War

"The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong."

People

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."

Experts