"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."

Iraq, Name, Republican

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"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."

Exlpore more Iraq quotes

"After all, we paid great prices because of the virtual partitioning of Iraq."

Bulent Ecevit, Turkish Politician

Iraq,

"The kind of Iraq that emerges from all of this is ultimately out of our hands."

Nick Clooney, American Politician

Iraq,

"Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'"

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Iraq, Liquor, Now, President

"Well, I've been to Iraq twice now. I was in Baghdad in June and then north of Baghdad in November."

Gary Sinise, American Actor

Iraq, June, Now

"I think the disarmament of Iraq is inevitable."

Douglas Feith, American Public Servant

Iraq,

"I said I'm the president of Iraq... I did not say deposed."

Saddam Hussein, Iraqi Criminal

Iraq, President

"We know that there are various activities important to the insurgents in Iraq that are occurring in Syria."

Douglas Feith, American Public Servant

Iraq,

"The U.S. couldn't even get rid of Saddam Hussein. And we all know that the EU is just a passing fad. They'll be killing each other again in less than a year. I'm sick to death of all these fascist lawsuits."

Bill Gates, American Businessman

Iraq, Death, Killing

"Iraq is not occupied, but there are foreign forces on its soil, which is different."

Jalal Talabani, Iraqi Politician

Iraq,

"We are succeeding in Iraq. It's a tough struggle with setbacks, but we are succeeding."

Iyad Allawi, Iraqi Statesman

Iraq, Struggle

Explore more quotes by David Letterman

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."

Experts

"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."

Importance

"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."

Debate

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."

Change

"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."

Old

"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"

God

"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."

Home

"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."

Apology

"There is no off position on the genius switch."

Genius

"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."

Gay