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Craig Ferguson

"Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say I was moving to London and told her she could have the house and everything else we owned, which wasn't much. I think she was as relieved as I was that I was leaving town for good."

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"Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say I was moving to London and told her she could have the house and everything else we owned, which wasn't much. I think she was as relieved as I was that I was leaving town for good."

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Amber Hurdle

"The old days are dead and gone days. For what I did in the past I have been punished. I have been cured."

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"I know you've been through an ordeal, but you don't want to start drowning yourself in liquor. You'll find that it's easy to do, but by the time you realize it could start to be a problem, you're already over that cliff."

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Amber Hurdle

"Even if things were broken right now. Sometimes it was the cracks that let the light in."

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Amber Hurdle

"I mean, okay, let's say we're all going to get better. Let's just pretend we will. Fine. Where are we going to go after we get better? What are we going to do with all of our newfound healthy behaviors? Back out into the world that screwed us up and screwed us over. This does not sound promising."

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Amber Hurdle

"Healing ultimately comes down to whether or not you have made the decision to do so."

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Amber Hurdle

"You are NOT an abuse survivor or victim. Leave your labels elsewhere because they are no longer serving you."

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Amber Hurdle

"Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is a saying used in twelve - step programs and in most treatment centers that 'Relapse is part of recovery.' It's another dangerous slogan that is based on a myth, and it only gives people permission to relapse because that think that when they do, they are on the road to recovery."

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Amber Hurdle

"We all make mistakes, the danger lies in letting those mistakes make us. Make us believe we can't put things right. Make us think there's no hope. Make us give up."

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Amber Hurdle

"Nothing has to be funny. Sometimes I just laugh to heal my soul."

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Craig Ferguson
"When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die."
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Craig Ferguson
"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
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Craig Ferguson
"I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it."
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Craig Ferguson
"When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him."
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Craig Ferguson
"Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony - the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste."
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Craig Ferguson
"By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!"
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Craig Ferguson
"If I have a near - beer, I'm near beer. And if I'm near beer, I'm close to tequila. And if I'm close to tequila, I'm adjacent to cocaine."
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Craig Ferguson
"I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. 'Listen, ' she said, not unkindly, 'up until now I would say that ninety - nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?'I nodded.'Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!'I took the drugs."
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Craig Ferguson
"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."
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Craig Ferguson
"If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me."
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