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Steven Wright

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

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"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."

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Amber Hurdle

"I had been offered a Hollywood contract before my 18th birthday. It gave me the spark I needed."

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Amber Hurdle

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

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Amber Hurdle

"Well, I started conducting kind of by accident. I wanted to give myself a special birthday present for my fortieth birthday, and I was living in San Francisco at the time and I started attending some of the concerts and then simply dropping hints."

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Amber Hurdle

"Most of us can remember a time when a birthday - especially if it was one's own - brightened the world as if a second sun has risen."

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Amber Hurdle

"I wasn't very good about juggling family and my career. I was interested in who was coming to the children's birthday party, what my son was writing. I was thinking about Legos."

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Amber Hurdle

"I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face."

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Amber Hurdle

"The way I see it, you should live everyday like its your birthday."

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Amber Hurdle

"My son had his eighth birthday recently and we had a chance to borrow the film and show it to all of his friends that was at his birthday party and they loved it. I was a little nervous. I said they might not even like it, and say his daddy's movie is wack, but they loved it."

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Amber Hurdle

"It was my 16th birthday - my mom and dad gave me my Goya classical guitar that day. I sat down, wrote this song, and I just knew that that was the only thing I could ever really do - write songs and sing them to people."

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Amber Hurdle

"I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too."

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
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Steven Wright
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
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Steven Wright
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
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Steven Wright
"I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!"
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Steven Wright
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
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Steven Wright
"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."
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Steven Wright
"Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?"
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Steven Wright
"It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."
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Steven Wright
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
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Steven Wright
"I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy."
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