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Terry Pratchett

"Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'"

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"Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'"

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Amber Hurdle

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

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Amber Hurdle

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

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Amber Hurdle

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

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Amber Hurdle

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

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Amber Hurdle

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

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Amber Hurdle

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

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Amber Hurdle

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

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Amber Hurdle

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

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Amber Hurdle

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

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Amber Hurdle

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

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Terry Pratchett
"The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one."
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"Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way."
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"Gods didn't mind atheists, if they were deep, hot, fiery, atheists like Simony, who spend their whole life hating gods for not existing. That sort of atheism was a rock. It was nearly belief."
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"It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself.But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple."
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Terry Pratchett
"A mirror can contain the reflection of the whole universe, a whole skyful of stars in a piece of silvered glass no thicker than a breath."
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"It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad."
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"He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spent ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work your arse off in the open air everyday."
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Terry Pratchett
"His granny taught him to read, see. I reckon it overheated his mind."
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Terry Pratchett
"Everybody has somebody. It could be a friend, a lover, a spouse, a writing partner, or even That One Person You See At The Coffee Shop each day. Sometimes they exist to comfort you. Sometimes they exist to drive you absolutely mad. Be open to either as a form of self-improvement."
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Terry Pratchett
"Being an absolute ruler today was not as simple as people thought. At least, it was not simple if your ambitions included being an absolute ruler tomorrow. There were subtleties. Oh, you could order men to smash down doors and drag people off the dungeons without trial, but too much of that sort of thing lacked style and anyway was bad for business, habit-forming and very, very dangerous for your health. A thinking tyrant, it seemed to Vetinari, had a much harder job than a ruler raised to power by some idiot vote-yourself-rich system like democracy. At least they could tell the people he was their fault."
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