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"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"The most dangerous food is wedding cake."
Food

"Love is what you've been through with somebody."
Love

"Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything."
Laughter

"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
Humor

"Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead."
Bed

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
Breeding

"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?"
Fear

"Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years."
Boys

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
Belief

"There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else."
Numbers
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