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"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
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Personal Development

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."
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Personal Development

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
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Personal Development

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
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"Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person."
Love

"Progress was all right. Only it went on too long."
Progress

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time."
Time

"Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more."
Men

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation."
Men

"Sophistication might be described as the ability to cope gracefully with a situation involving the presence of a formidable menace to one's poise and prestige (such as the butler, or the man under the bed - but never the husband)."
Ability

"Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man."
Truth

"Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear."
Comedy

"The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it."
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"Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man."
Age
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